It’s been a few days since my last post due to being in Ohio and dealing with my brother’s injury. It’s a difficult situation when you’re forced into a situation having to deal with people who live life in a completely different way than I do. I practice living my life in Truth and fitness, attempting to be awake and growing every day. I’ve been that way my entire life. I felt it as a kid how confused most people are and the way they lived and were teaching me to live felt very,, twisted to me. I could feel the natural flow in my body getting very mangled and contorted by the very people who are supposed to be caring and supporting me. I could feel the discomfort clearly and would speak out about it all the time. I was always responded to by those around me with minimization and dismissal. I never lost touch with what I felt, however, and would think about it all the time how obvious it was that it was “family” doing their best to separate me from myself rather than helping me strengthen it. I always stayed in touch with the instinct inside of me guiding me no matter how badly those around me tried to get over on me.
Everything I’ve been teaching myself, studying, practicing all my life is happening all around me as far as how important it is to be aware and pay close attention to your instincts and what your body/emotions feel. I’ve tried to make deposits to it all my life because I can feel how impossible our society makes it for us to get a really good hold on ourselves, let alone, add to and strengthen it. Living for $$ keeps us on a constant slip and slide forcing us to give up more and more of ourselves, our principles, our common sense, our ethics. it’s happening now to educated, intelligent people, not only poor people who are forced even more to sacrifice more and more for $$. The educated people standing up will help the less educated and poor.
So, it’s become very obvious that my brother and his GF live on a different path than I do. I live with the goal of Fitness everyday, always striving to learn, grow, admit when I’m wrong and someone knows better than me. I crave learning and having another person know something I don’t. I welcome it, unlike many others, who fight it and protect their program.
The whole point of life is to know where you are in time and space. I’ve blogged about this topic before. We’re familiar with North, South, East & West, yet when it comes to admitting we’re wrong so we can change direction we deny it and continue repeating the same behaviors that created the mess in the first place.
My point is, if a Spinal Cord injury is not enough to wake a person up, I don’t know what is!! Because I’m so used to admitting the “negative” all my life so I can call a spade a spade and do something different and others are not, it can create a very sticky situation. I have to step back from the situation and do what I have to do for myself.
The bottom line,, LIFE IS VERY SIMPLE. That feeling we have when we start to get the hang of skiing, or some other activity that requires focus, where our minds and bodies are in total sync with physics and we don’t have to think anymore. That’s the way we should be living ALL the time! In every situation in life, we need to accept when we fall and have screwed up so we can learn to improve. The ENTIRE point of life is to gain Mastery over our emotions and our bodies. Not to be living the same over and over while dismissing feedback from life that is giving us valuable cues.
I’m writing this because that’s what I feel and see is happening with my brother and his GF in this situation. I don’t get the sense that it’s really sunk in. I don’t see a person who has truly acknowledged the reality of the situation and has changed.
I’ve dealt with people like that in the past, I’ve heard it all before from a LOT of people, the attitude of, “Be positive”, “don’t be Negative”. I give up!! Let people live any way they want! PEOPLE ARE LOST! PERIOD!! I’m not going to be seen as the bad guy by people who are lost! I can’t believe how bad it is, how “normal” it is for people to be unfit then look at you, who’s practicing walking up, and see you as the enemy. Yes! TRUTH and Reality are the enemy to denial and delusion. Yes, people who live their lives in denial are going to see an awake person as the enemy, Period!
I had a run in with my brother’s GF over “Be Positive” and that I was “Negative” because I was in NY and she was in Ohio with my brother and I was texting her all kinds of questions about my brothers condition. She called me up telling me he took a down turn and is now on a ventilator and that I had better contact my brother’s son and let him know because, “This might be his last chance to see him” were her words. I began asking her things like, does he have a DNR? What are my brother’s decisions so that I know what to be prepared for as far as if my brother chooses to be kept alive on some kind of life support? I’m just trying to prepare for the worst case scenario! I asked her if my brother wants to live or is prepared to live, if it came to it, in a “vegetated state”.
Her tone from there changed and she became defensive. I wasn’t sure what the problem was, and she texted back, “don’t come if you’re going to upset your brother”. I was a bit perplexed but, it became clearer after I arrived there that it’s that “be Positive” attitude and my “realist”, living in Truth and calling a spade a spade, attitude that she took offense to. I didn’t want to go back there. It’s a very difficult thing when someone who is a relative has made poor choices that have created a very serious situation and figuring out how to interact so that you’re creating healing and not harm but, also, figuring out how to take care of yourself and not allow people to drag you down either.
In my mind, I would expect someone with a Spinal Cord injury would be READY to wake up! So me, the EMT for FDNY that I was, the Personal Trainer for 20 years, the Massage, Yoga, Mediation, BE Present, person that I am, thinks I’m going over to deal with people who are on the same page as me. Ready to acknowledge, ready to make changes, ready to be different and all I felt was that they were continuing to do the same thing!! Fighting me rather than being on the same side. Of course the GF kept “saying” the priority is my brother’s recovery yet, not acknowledging the seriousness of the situation. People think that if they keep making light of it and being “positive”, that that’s the way to go, when in my experience, that is Not and has proven to not work or else he would not be in the situation he’s in!
Most people tend to live in circles,, PERIOD! Doing the same shit over and over!! Too many people are so DISORIENTED and think that the signals coming at you are “bad” and continue to ignore valuable feedback. I titled this blog,, WHERE/WHAT IS HEALTH because I see too many people Not know what is and is not good for them. They ignore hat is good and listen to what is not. I’ve always followed this back to the way we were brought up. That’s what happens when we live with less than healthy people who don’t teach us right and raise us to be quality people. We get used to things being low quality that we don’t even recognize it as such. If we grow up in a dysfunctional/ abusive environment and don’t admit the effect it can have on our lives, then we will carry on with treating ourselves the same way.
It was the exact same way when I was a kid and everyone around me would make excuse for my parents and why they couldn’t raise me the way I deserved, as if physics was going to be put on hold for them and that the effects of the lax parenting would somehow magically be suspended!!
“Oh, no body’s perfect” I would here all the time! So what does that mean?? We go in circles forever??!! We don’t acknowledge the truth and do nothing to change coarse?? WTF!! That TERRIFIED me my whole life!! I was life OMG! I’m on a ship lost at sea with incompetents at the steering wheel!! People just continuing to deny the reality and and perpetuate the same garbage over and over.
I see it happening again! People don’t want to take a good, hard look within!! At how they FUCKED UP!! That’s the ONLY way to change!! That whole BS about,, “Be Positive”is just more unconsciousness being perpetuated so the person doesn’t have to face the ugly truth! By saying,, “oh be Positive” people don’t learn! You have to look Close at the mess you made. I mean, how else to people solve murders? Accident’s? They do autopsies and investigate things! And even then,, we have a lot of corruption covering things up.
They will continue to perpetuate the Same shit because NATURE DOESN’T LIE! It’s needs will be satisfied when nature says so. Not living in reality is what created this mess in the first place and they continue to do the same things! You obviously missed a spot if things don’t improve. People want to FF to Positive too quick! So they can skip over valuable Clues!! You have to go through not only the Physical challenges now, but also, the Emotional ones. The Mind and Body are attached, like it or not. Even though it’s obvious with a Spinal Cord injury that they’ve had a sever disconnect all along.
My Brother’s GF was attempting to make ME out to be some kind of “bad guy” trying to harm my brother and she needs to protect him from Me!! HELLO!! I could have EASILY went over there, guns blaring, pointing the finger at HER who lives with him every day! And watched him deteriorate until he collapsed and could not move, and she’s supposed to be an RN. I just don’t think people push the “loved ones” hard enough. If you live with someone, whether they’re a drug user or an alcoholic and you see them taking themselves down the wrong road, or someone in pain and they’re not dealing with it over a month, in order to protect your OWN life, because they are going to bring yo down too, you say to the person,, (because my brother and his GF have broken up over much more trivial things in the past many times) so If walking around deteriorating for over a month isn’t something to fight over and break up over,, I don’t know what is!!
It all comes down to FITNESS,, how bad do you want to LIVE,, how much are you willing to PUSH. I weight trained and jogged for nearly 30 years!! Pushing myself and digging Deep down because I didn’t want to be a loser in life. Guess it doesn’t bother most people! They simply don’t set that high of standards for themselves, which is why the country/world is Shit! The system doesn’t require you to be a Quality person.
I think the GF feels some guilt but, doesn’t admit it and that’s why she’s attempting to put it off on me.
There is NOTHING else in life,, except,, PAST/PRESENT/FUTURE,, with out present moment awareness, all we get is PAST/ FUTURE = a Vicious Cycle!! Get in touch with the REAL you under the Program!!