"Why doesn’t anyone Just LOVE me?"

An incident came to me recently about a call I had years ago,, in the later 90’s to be exact, while working for FDNY as an EMT. We were called to a location on Atlantic Ave in Brooklyn,, forget the cross street, for a young teenage boy in a “facility” for detention of some kind. The call came in as “disruptive” person or EDP,, “Emotionally Disturbed Person”, I can’t totally remember but, what I do remember is, the complete Atrocity that this call represented.
 We were called there because this young boy,, aged 13 maybe, was acting out in anger and fighting with another boy. We were to take him to a hospital for an evaluation. What has been stuck in my head since then was this boy Crying in the back of the ambulance asking, “Why doesn’t anyone just Love me?” I remember my entire Body shake when I heard and saw him thinking to myself,, “I feel the Exact same way!” I could completely understand where he was coming from. This boy had been in the system ALL his life!! Born into a bad situation, been in foster care and in & out of facilities for years then we wonder WHY this kid is Angry?? I saw it as clear as day then, how our system “worked”.

 There was a lady who worked at the location where we picked him up who was making the boy out to be some kind of monster. “Oh, you should have seen him before”, she said, when he was angry and yelling. As if that was somehow abnormal?? I thought to myself, is this Real?? Is this lady really that Blind? She can’t understand that it’s Normal for this poor kid to be angry after the Horrible life he’s had and that his behavior is a sign of our Fucked up system’s effect on him?? I remember it sending a Chill through me! I was like,, OMG, is this it? Is this our system and what it’s really all about?? Just a bunch of Zombified people ignoring the reality for a paycheck?? No one really giving a shit and truly being interested in the welfare of this boy and helping him find a home and Love?? But, instead, USING him to have a job and to keep going through motions?? It literally gave me a Sick, dark feeling in my gut. My heart Broke when we brought this boy into the back of the Ambulance and he fell over on tot he stretcher putting his head down to Cry out, “Why doesn’t anyone just love me?” It was one of the most impacting experiences I had doing that job which is what eventually made me quit. Not to mention the thousands of other calls we get day in & day out that are mostly BS, people pretending to be injured in extremely minor car accident so they can milk insurance companies. Most calls were there to just keep the system going.

  Your average tax paying citizen with a legitimate call,, clutching is chest when we arrived having a heart attack while apologizing for taking up your time, then the scratch to the finger of some little kid in the projects by a dog and the family member’s attitude being,, “What took you so long?”  It was so clear that the system was so screwed up and all our job was was to keep the Dysfunction going so someone at the top could rake it in while we were just going through motions,, acting really, to keep it all going. There’s only ONE reason not to stop a system that’s clearly broken and Dysfunctional and That’s because it’s working for SOME people! Someone is benefiting from it and whether or not those keeping it going are benefiting seems irrelevant. That fact that it clearly wasn’t working for that boy and, just the opposite, was Completely preying upon his disadvantageous situation.
 I remember trying to console him and reach out in some small way, make a small gesture in his direction. I must have said something to the lady when she responded with, “You should have seen him a little while ago”. What this poor kid must have felt I can imagine because I felt the Exact same ting in my own house as a child. Like you were in the Twilight Zone, a Nightmare, Hell and there was NO one there for you. You were ALL alone being fed to the Machine, sacrificed for the Profit stealing, power hungry, psychopathological system.

 It was during that job of 7 years that I found myself saying the same thing,, in different words of course, as James Madison. I remember thinking that what we do is respond to the “all of a sudden” calls, the traumas, shootings, stabbings, etc. while the “slow and gradual” deterioration of the neighborhoods wasn’t being addressed at all. It was the everyday “glorified car service” calls that would add up to us just being part of a Ponzi scheme while peppered every once in a while with a Real call to keep you involved.  
 That job wasn’t even Close to what it was supposed to be. It was obvious it was just some made up job to give the public something to do to make $$ when it wasn’t really interested at all on doing Real good for the public. I knew then it was all a Big disguise. We were disguised as the Do gooders, it was a Front, like most jobs I had before like Personal Training. Back in the 80’s when I was young and before there was such things as Personal Training certifications I felt good about what I did. I could do what I loved doing and not have to worry about earning a certain amount of $$.

 That all changes as you get older and are required to “manufacture” a certain amount of $$ to live comfortably while crossing that line from doing what you love to robbing people for $$. I also remember working as a PT at a Jack La Lanne in NYC in the early 90’s and this “Gucci suit” guy from the Company talking to the staff about how “make” $$. He made No bones about being,, “shady” and doing what you had to to get the client to “get the Wallet out”. I remember him mocking the Bible saying, the Meek shall inherit the Earth was BS! I remember being sickened by him. Thought he was a Cocky asshole!
  Due to the fact that I grew up in such an abusive environment that everyone around me tried to get me to be an accomplice in but, instead I listened to my body and read up on what Healthy relationships are supposed to be, whether in the Family, at work or otherwise, healthy relating is healthy relating and I was NOT going to be a Part of any Company/job/family that was in Denial and willing to perpetuate dishonesty and lack of integrity. I had had enough by this point of being surrounded by Dysfunction and got into Fitness because I wanted to be Fit on all levels,, Not be a person of Low morals. I could NEVER understand how people could function that way! The whole point is to feel that satisfaction within from doing what was Right, the same way a Rock Climber gets that HIGH from being totally connected to Nature and getting that True feedback from Physics. Pure, Clean, Honest feedback that elevated one’s Soul. Obviously those in charge don’t care about that and just end up taking advantage of those who are in it for the Truth. No different than the Military or Police. It’s all a FRONT for Robbery!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s