I had a conversation with a “friend” recently and it happened again! The conversations we have end up going in circles. It’s happened before in talks with this particular person. Instead of there being an accumulation,, an “accruing”, a,, getting somewhere, becoming closer, a Building up of, a climbing out of, INSTEAD, there’s too much pulling down and losing. People do not have the communication skills to lift each other up like healthy relationships should. People are so used to unhealthy, dysfunctional relating, they continue doing the SAME thing and get NO where! To use exercise terms, there’s more tearing muscles and ligaments than building. And the fact that weight training IS about making small tears to the muscle to promote repair and growth, but the opportune term is “Small” tears, Not digging into the muscle! Despite the Obvious signs of harm being created, people don’t recognize it and continue with the arguing. Trying To “gain” by doing Harm?? When what needs to be done is to STOP. Look at what we’re doing. Regain control of momentum rather than momentum carrying us. There are Too many people in debt and need what they need to get leverage but, Arriving never comes! They continue seek more and not recognize when they’re received and have it REGISTER.
People end up going to either extremes, being too complacent and feeling powerless and giving up, or when they get riled up, the emotion and momentum take over. We end up Fearing ourselves and our own emotions, especially Anger and power, for women mostly. (Men are more accepted in expressing anger and women more accepted in expressing fear or sadness but, this might not be so true anymore since the entire Society has become more masculinized. Even women feeling vulnerability is not acceptable). Many people don’t want to move because they don’t want to wake up and feel because they have not mastered these emotions so we just cut ourselves off from ourselves instead. Thereby keep ourselves from experiencing so much in life. Or we express our emotions unskillfully and never learn mastery. Rather than MOVE INTO our valid feelings of anger and sadness and gain mastery with them, we’re taught to suppress them and get rid of them like they’re/we’re bad. This is how we get taken because those with the power have NO problem feeling power and using our share.
Maybe it’ because I’ve read so many books and practiced so many exercises on communication skills that I have that in my mind all the time, looking to practice it. Barbara DeAngelis would show a couple using Mirroring techniques; people taking turns allowing the other to express themselves starting with anger and going through all the emotions all the way to the fear and Love while the other JUST listens. Then they switch. This creates TRACTION in life! GRIP, Not slipping! I know the reason why I was drawn to weight training was for that purpose. To have something solid to push up against, some(one), even an in adamant object, that was there Just for YOU! That was going to give you accurate feedback, that was going to Mirror you, give you Real directions Instead of getting you MORE Lost and frustrated! This is why many people turn to ‘gadgets” instead of relating to people. The fact that a Gadget makes people feel more confident than a person is a pretty sad state! It seems that the closer we get to people the more “spin” occurs.
The problem with relationships, even those with whom they’re supposed to be “Clean”, supposed to be there JUST for us like parents or other “Authority”, end up relating to us from “dirty” places and give us “dirty” feedback. Imagine having interactions with people the way we do with in adamant objects and receive, Clean, accurate feedback? That is the way it’s supposed to be! What is the point of passing down Dirty feedback? Imagine if your doctor didn’t wash their hands after operating on the previous patient? If we’re not going to be Clean for our children, then who are we going to be Clean for? Who wants to receive Dirty feedback from people when you’re at your most innocent? It can’t be the child, they are at their MOST clean! It HAS to be the “authority” who is responding to that child from a place of their unmet needs and “undigested” injuries. Children should be born to make the world Clean, NOT us making Children Dirty!
On the side of the box when you buy a tube of glue or some adhesive it says, “make sure surface is clean and dry”. I think of this when I think of the way many people relate. How many people make sure they’re clean and dry” before attempting to “adhere” to another person, connect to another person? Imagine if we had to keep gluing something over and over again? We wolud get frustrated, we would think the glue doesn’t work or the pieces don’t fit or something. Do we ever stop to think in relationships that we need to “clean” ourselves up? All the lint and fuzz that gets stuck to a piece of tape that renders it useless after a while, yet how often do we get help “refreshing” ourselves? WHO do we turn to to help us get “Clean” like they say in drug rehab? Who is there in life to help us “Get Clean” emotionally so we’re not walking around going in circles, building a life of Debt until we address our lack of Adhesiveness?
The Bottom line is, we have to do what Must be Done! Period! We HAVE to address and deal with ourselves and the Emotional Debt we’ve inherited and begin seeing it for what it is, Not a part of us but, a learned, program, so we can reach the surface of our True Self.
I think back to how weight training helped my body get a better sense of direction and orientation because I was dealing with in adamant objects that are giving me Clean truth. When you’re doing your bench press, or what ever exercise you’re doing, the person in the role of Spotter is there to assist You in gaining strength and “accruing” self confidence and esteem. One person needs to be THERE, grounded, FOR the other. If the Spotter suddenly tries to gain for themselves instead of Spotting, altering the motions in some way that takes away from the person benching so that the Spotter is the one taking, the entire purpose would be for naught. Neither would be gaining. The footing and stability that the Spotter would be providing would be lost and neither would benefit. There would be nothing but, loss of traction and grip and nothing but falling and spinning.
This is what ends up happening in families and other systems in Society when there isn’t a strong, healthy person there For another. Most people, to some degree, have parents that were NOT good spotters, who end up putting their own needs first at the expense of their kids and are NOT sturdy people that we can resist against. We end up losing some well needed leverage and edge, to what ever degree those in the “authority” role are not There for us. This is why many people grow but, can’t find that “lift”. They’re brought here physically but, don’t get to be Lifted and raised up because there’s NO one there to push off of. There’s Nothing there to grab onto! The “Ladder” has been taken away! We get to only get a lift so far, then we’re abandoned. Dropped off in the middle of No where! This creates a Legitimate Build of Anger and even Rage when a person is doing everything right and cannot figure out why they can’t pull themselves up! The people are going to end up Boiling in their own emotions and acting out unskillfully because of the rigged system. Eventually Nature will take over, when the system is at war with it. We’ve been taught to be at war with our own Natures/Emotions, needs.
In a show last night I watched on FRONTLINE called, To catch a Trader,, about Steve Cohen of SAC Capital and insider trading. One thing that was repeated over and over again was “Edge”, leverage, people trying to get more and more of an edge. To get to the source, the people in the “know” who had the info, the Source right there when it was Born! Before it even got to take it’s first Breath! What we do to calves, pigs, chickens and other animals as soon as they’re born. One guy said,, “it’s there for the taking”. It’s normal to need an edge in life and I believe it’s because the “little guy” has little edge and is programmed to lose their edge, that others take our share of it.
I’ve been trying to say this all my life, how I was Taught to NOT have an edge, to lose my edge and “donate” it and that I was a Criminal if I didn’t. This is the OPPOSITE of how Nature works! The Opposite of what we seek when we learn to ride a bike or roller skate. We learn balance, we learn coordination and mastery. THAT is the mentality that needs to stay with us for the duration of our lives. Constantly perfecting our moves and skills. NOT just ONE corporation growing and growing and accumulating more and more while the rest of us barely have any edge at all!! That’s why Parenting should be like Personal Training or Coaching. Parents should be teaching kids skills for the rest of their lives the way we lean to ride a bike.